Getting rammed by a middle aged woman with a sizable strap-on cock. (Plus, my take on service.)

Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack!

“From now on, you’ll remember that Mistress does not like hard massages.” Smack! her palm came down on my ass cheek again, this time the left one. “What will you remember?”

“Mistress doesn’t like hard massages!”

“That’s correct. Now try again.” Continue reading

Wine, cheese, and rimjobs: My first scene with a married Dom couple.

I pulled my old clunker up to a beautiful suburban condo overlooking the water.

“Welcome, welcome!” Rocket Man said cheerfully as he opened the heavy front door. “Come on in!”

Photographs of babies, pets, and vacation spots followed me up the staircase and into a crisp, rather mod living room. Placed tastefully around the room were what looked to the layman’s eye like Japanese art. In the center of the room stood a 7-foot-tall bamboo tripod structure, the top bound in rope and suspending a large metal ring. I had a feeling I knew who was going to be tied to that tripod. Continue reading

It’s always handy to have a cock around. (Plus: fake orgasms and STDs!)

My Convenient Cock (one of my two roommates) is back, and I’m doin’ a happy-dance over here!

Some OkCupid bitch (read: interesting, attractive, girlfriend-material young woman) was stealing his attention for a while, but it looks like she’s fallen off the map a bit, and Convenient Cock is no longer trying to will a relationship into existence by abstaining from our fuck sessions. Continue reading

“Is it in yet?”

Damn. Damn, damn, damn, damn. This is a conundrum.

My first date with Fiji (read about it here) was a breath of fresh air. A hurricane of it, really. He came off as witty, liberal, kind-hearted, well rounded, kinky, intelligent, and totally confident in himself. (I failed to mention previously that he also makes a pretty ridiculous 6-figure salary. Handy.) He had me laughing, and opening up, and nodding in agreement all evening, and flirting like crazy. And his kiss was perfection.

The sex, though. God dammit. The sex was not perfection.

Okay, honey. That's great.

Okay, honey. Uh huh. That’s great.

Continue reading

The best two adjectives I’ve ever been assigned in bed.

Had my second date with The Engineer last night (read about the first date here and the awkward tampon incident here). Luckily, no mention of the tampon was made. All recollection of it has floated off in the breeze. It shall never be spoken of again.

It was a simple date with a lot of conversation over beer, the show Cosmos (I told you this guy was nerdy), and Pulp Fiction, followed by a healthy round of sex. Continue reading