The Devil is trying to take me down, and he’s using razor burn to do it.

I can hear him cackling. I can see his eyes glinting out between licks of a Hellish flame as he mutters incantations of Ingrown hair…stubble…inflammation…That will surely stop her from having too much fun.”

*cackle cackle cackle*

“It’s working…”               *cackle cackle cackle*

Come to think of it, though, the Devil should really be on my side, considering all the depraved shit my itchy pussy and I get into. God’s got the more conservative bent, I hear.

Regardless of which deity is throwing curses at my vagina, there is one thing of which I’m certain: my vagina is cursed. Either I have the most stubborn, thick, painful pubic hair growth on the face of the Earth, or hair-removal product advertisers are slightly exaggerating the effectiveness of their product. (But there’s some sort of advertising code of integrity, so they, like, totally tell the truth, right? …Right?)

YOU'LL LOVE YOUR RESULTS! GUARANTEED! EVEN THE MOST HARD-TO-TACKLE HAIR! RESEARCHERS HAVE BEEN HIDING THIS MIRACULOUS DISCOVERY! BELIEVE US, DAMMIT! BELIEVE US!

YOU’LL LOVE YOUR RESULTS! GUARANTEED! EVEN THE MOST HARD-TO-TACKLE HAIR! RESEARCHERS HAVE BEEN HIDING THIS MIRACULOUS DISCOVERY! BELIEVE US, DAMMIT! BELIEVE US!

I shaved a week and a half ago for Hawai’i and Rocket Man, and I am just now getting to the point where I could shave without much carry-over irritation. That shit is not just annoying or itchy, it is downright painful. My crotchal region flares up in nasty red bumps and suspicioius-looking ingrown hairs that are sometimes a bigger aesthetic affront than the hair itself. And this is with special shaving cream and a nice double-edged safety razor, too (which are consistently lauded for their effectiveness on sensitive skin).

There is a whoooole ‘nother potential blog post regarding why in the hell I subscribe to this idiotic pube gender norm in the first place. Spoiler: I wish I didn’t feel the need to shave — like this commendable blogger — but I am not strong enough to resist the social pressure to conform (pressure that is sometimes quite patent, as with my explicit instructions from Hawai’i to shave Brazilian).

Woe is me. Gather ’round, all, gather ’round to pity the cultural lemming.

My thoughts precisely.

My feelings on the matter precisely.

Do any readers struggle with down-there care? What method has done the best job of mollycoddling your sensitive skin? Please help.

If you don’t shave/wax, do you feel unspoken or spoken pressure to do so?

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7 comments on “The Devil is trying to take me down, and he’s using razor burn to do it.

  1. Jane says:

    Hmmm, this is a toughie. I used to want to be that perfectly put together Lady that was cleanly shaved all the time, but that ideal doesn’t exist IRL. I generally keep a close trim because the poor thing hasn’t seen any action recently (other than from me) so no one’s looking and opining.

    I have learnt the hard way that shaving gives me one too many painful ingrowns. I’ve tried treating each one individually but it gets tedious. I’ve had some success with the Veet “what horrible thing is in it that it melts hair” removal cream so I give it a once-over with that and shave remaining spots carefully.

    As for societal pressure to maintain it, I feel it for 10 seconds when I’ve just put a swimsuit on and see the bush peeking out of the crotch. Then I say “who gives a fuck it’s too much work” and move on. To be fair, I grew out of my teenage angst in India just before the Western hairlessness fad hit, so I don’t feel pressure to remove anything other than The Moustache. (And some pesky chin hairs I HAVE WEIRD HORMONE ISSUES DON’T JUDGE ME.)

  2. Yingtai says:

    … sometimes a bigger aesthetic affront than the hair itself.

    I meant to responde to this ages ago. Mea culpa. As you can see from the dearth of comments, NOBODY has a good solution for you.

    I have transparent skin and the roughest, toughest black hair in the family. Shaving produces an aesthetic effect equivalent to an army of blackheads. So I tried waxing. That just delays the blackhead onset by a few days. And also the ingrown hairs. I didn’t realise what all those pimples were until much later, so you’re way ahead of the game.

    Facial scrubs or pumicing helps with the ones that are just bumps and not yet pink. Acne treatment ointment (salicylic acid) works on the ones that think they are acne. But if what you’ve got is razor burn, then I’m not sure those techniques are going to work.

    And in my case, there was no question that the hair looked better than the pimples. So I stopped trying. If you figure it out, you have to tell us the secret.

    Have you tried sugaring? It definitely does irritate my skin less than anything else. It’s not its fault that my follicles are so recalcitrant. Remember NOT to do it just after showering when the hair is softened by water.

    Recipe
    http://hairremoval.about.com/od/sugarwaxing/ss/sugar-hair-removal-recipe.htm

    Instructions
    http://hairremoval.about.com/od/sugarwaxing/ss/how-to-sugar.htm

    • Wow, thank you! I have never tried sugaring, and I didn’t know you could do it at home. It never struck me as strong enough to get all the hair out of my own, similarly recalcitrant, follicles. But I should try it! I read the How-To you posted, and I’ll let ya know if I am successful.

  3. Jane says:

    Darling, are you all right? Did the ingrown hairs make you withdraw from society? Sometimes life is in want of a good exfoliation.

    • Hehe. Ah, yes, I shaved again on Sunday for my scene with Hawai’i and Rocket Man…Three days later, my crotch is now at its worst 😦 But yes, I am alright! Haha…busy week. I’m excited to write about and reflect on the scene from this last weekend.

  4. thia69here says:

    Here’s a little secret I learned years ago that actually works! Apply Ban unscented roll on deodorant to the area immediately after shaving. Yep!

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