I bought an enema bulb, and I’m terrified of it.

The bulb seemed like a less intimidating option. I didn’t like the looks of those full-on fucking irrigation systems: I can’t tell whether they belong in a hospital room or an industrial agriculture operation, but they certainly don’t belong up my tender, inexperienced little bum hole.

Ack! What the fuck.

I’m not a fan of the color choice here. It’s a bit “Rubber duckie meets Hazmat crisis” for my taste, you know?

 

SO LARGE. WHY SO LARGE.

So I got a bulb instead.

It almost looks like one of those kiddy booger-suckers, which at least I'm familiar with.

It almost looks like one of those kiddy booger-suckers, which at least I’m familiar with.

I purchased the bulb online a few weeks ago because I wanted anal sex with Convenient Cock to go smoothly, but it is still safely contained in my dresser drawer, in its packaging, as we speak. I can’t shake the feeling that, as soon as I begin to unwrap it, it’s going to jump out of my hands, poke its plasticky way up my ass, and give me watery, un-aimable diarrhea for several hours.

You can't fight the tide now, Brian. Just fall into it.

You can’t fight the tide now, Brian. Just fall into it.

It’s going to make an appearance at some point, though, because Hawai’i and Rocket Man request that their subs clean the poop chute before scenes.

The Internet tells me I am supposed to fill it with water, shoot it gently up the no-no place while lying on my side, wait for what will I’m sure feel like an eternity, and then expel the evidence in the toilet. I fail to understand how I’m meant to transition from said floorbound position to the toilet, gracefully, with nary a drop of spillage. There is bending involved in that transition. Ab muscles are used. Knees approach chest.

Ever heard of the Squatty Potty®?

Ever heard of the Squatty Potty®? Case in point.

If/when the brave move to the toilet is accomplished, how do I know when my body is finished making its deposit? Will I feel the urge coming on again at various points in the day (during all of which I am inevitably dangerously far from a restroom), like getting the runs?

I’m going to have nightmares. Shitty shit-nightmares.

 

[Edit: I have updated all mentions of the couple to read ‘Hawai’i’ and ‘Rocket Man’ (she is from Hawai’i, he inspects airplanes). They were previously the single-letter initials J and D, but my posts were becoming riddled with initials. I hope that meaningful names will help distinguish the characters.]

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9 comments on “I bought an enema bulb, and I’m terrified of it.

  1. Jane says:

    Oh dear, all the best with it. I’ve never tried one but am told there is a comforting, confident high when done. I look forward to the explosively colourful (er) description of the results.

  2. Yingtai says:

    I wish I could help! But I don’t like them either and haven’t done much.

    However, I can tell you that if you only use a bulbful of water and hold it for 10 minutes or so, by the time you stand up, you probably won’t have any trouble holding it on the way to the toilet. In fact, it doesn’t feel like an effort. It’s just like usual, you choose when to let go.

    I do keep needing to go back to the bathroom when I think I’m done. But it’s not like I have to run or anything. And I have irritable bowel syndrome to begin with. Your insides seem to be in better condition.

    Good luck!

  3. karida says:

    I bought one of those little bulbs also about 2 years ago and it is still in the under the cabinet unused. I began enjoying anal sex about 19 years ago and used single use enemas. I still use single use, disposable type. I think I like that I can use it and throw it away. I am not feling so good about having to deal with the cleaning aspect of the bulb. Cleaning a butt plug okay – I have a non-porous metal one 😀

    • I can understand the appeal of the disposable type! I just used mine this last weekend (and tried washing it) and will update about it.

      My anal plug is silicone and cleaning that is pretty easy. What kind of soap do you use, though? I’m curious and would like to keep my toys and, er, cleaning appliances are taken care of properly 🙂

  4. E. Norman says:

    I’ve been giving myself enemas on a weekly basis for about 2 years now. And there’s been some mishaps but not very often, even with a full 1-2 quart enema. As Karida has mentioned the disposables are really convenient, especially for the beginner, but your bulb should work just as good with maybe the feeling of a little more urgency to go. If your scared of the bulb, just fill it once and don’t bother to lay down while you give it to yourself, just do it while you’re leaning forward on the toilet. Then all you have to do is sit up and release. Try it a second time and then hold it as long as you can. You’ll find its pretty easy to do.

    In your main post you mention the issue of having to go for several more hours after, and I believe is saw it in another reply as well. There’s a way to address this, and here’s how.
    Since your large intestine is shaped like a giant horse shoe you’re bound to send water (or what ever enema solution you choose) all the way around to the lowest spot where the large and small intestine meet. You can actually work alot of this fluid out of you by massaging or “running” your bowels. You can do this while sitting on the toilet and leaning forwards so your body is almost level to the seat, then balling your right hand into a fist and place it on the area of your bowels closest to your right hip joint. Then press snugly into your intestine and rock your fist up and around the horse shoe. By the time you get to the center of your body you’ll feel fluid moving into your lower bowels, at that point you can either sit up and release or continue to run your bowels. Its not likely that you’ll splash the back of your toilet if you’ve already release the majority of the fluid, so don’t fret about that too much.

    Running your bowels is something you’ll experience should you ever decide to get a colonic, the therapist will generally do that to you as you release, while laying on your back. You might consider getting one done, even if you do have a tight butt hole. The size of the tube they use is usually smaller than something your body produces on a regular basis. Its intimidating at first but once you get it done the first time, you’ll notice its not nearly as scary as you thought. And there really is a good feeling of being clean after your done.
    Best of wishes and good luck with your enemas.

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