Last night I once again found myself wondering, “Can I have it all?” Adventure, kink, and novelty on one hand, and a cozy committed relationship on the other.
I went on a date last night with a funny, nerdy, sexy, 26-year-old mechanical engineer. I’ll just call him The Engineer. I prefer to date a bit older, but he makes up for it by being the absolute spitting image of Jake Pavelka from ABC’s The Bachelor. (Mr. Pavelka pictured below.)
He’s not necessarily ‘the one’ or anything, but I’m certainly seeing him again. Things went well enough that I didn’t mind staying the night — not my usual M.O. on a first date. The sex was fairly simple and short, and I didn’t cum (I went down on him for a while beforehand, so I can’t blame him too much), but he surprised me by being a total horndog: After we had sex and fell asleep, he woke me up with sex not once, but twice that night. Including anal. I’ve never jumped to anal on a first date before!
Dang. And his cock was lovely…On the short side, but pretty girthy. And, ladies, we all know that’s what makes the difference, eh?
So, why did the date have me thinking about my kink/romance balance? Because The Engineer is one cuddly motherfucker if I ever met one.
I got about a zillion soft kisses on the forehead and all down my body, and plenty of stroking, spooning, and sweet nothings whispered in my ear. I curled up under his arm at night and felt that old familiar fuzzy feeling return. When my roommate CC and I sleep together, we sometimes spoon, but our relationship is strictly business…or would that be strictly pleasure? (Aside: The Engineer said last night, regarding his female roommate, “It’s not like I’d have any romantic interest with a roommate, ’cause that would just be the stupidest thing ever.” I nodded in solemn agreement. *cough*) Going further back, I also never got the warm fuzziness from my Craigslist threesome couple last year. And my more recent Dom/sub experience with A. wasn’t exactly the snuggly type either, although he did provide great aftercare.
Yup. I think the last honest-to-goodness cuddling I’ve partaken in was with my last serious boyfriend. Fun fact: The Engineer shares the same first name as my ex. Maybe all boys by that name are just naturally mushy.
All this is to say: I realized last night that I do miss that mushy feeling. I did love oh-so-much being called “baby,” being told how beautiful I am, being held close at night. I did love how the little moments felt so warm and intimate. Now I just need to keep slogging ahead, sifting through men until I find one who can satisfy both of my personalities: the housewife and the whore. And I’ll give The Engineer a chance to do just that.
Coming up: The guy I’m going out with tonight calls himself a tantrika and apparently has a FetLife account. Am I headed in the right direction?