I had surgery in April and was off WordPress for a while. Largely because I was off sex for a while. Goddamn, it’s good to be back to both.
I’ll start with the ending of the story: I’m no longer seeing A. Contrary to what the last post may have led you to assume, the reason was not my harsh response to A.’s odd proposal. He contacted me soon afterwards, with a quite sincere and reasonable apology. He had gotten ahead of himself, he was only thinking about logistics, didn’t stop to think how inappropriate it sounded, etc. We seemed to land on what felt like a healthy balance between independence and codependence; A. agreed to be a bit more removed than he has been with subs in the past, at least to begin with.
We kept in contact after my surgery, did some more orgasm control, met up to buy a collar together, but never actually had another play session. It was my decision. I still felt like I was being smothered by some cloying, saccharine pillow. It was a great pillow, really, just not the one I’d ordered.
By the time I was done with recovery, I found myself swept back up in my Master’s program. As of yet, I haven’t cast out another line to catch me a Dom. In the meantime, my hungry hungry hippo of a sexual appetite has been satisfied by frequent romps with my roommate, Convenient Cock. He’s just so damn convenient.
I probably could have continued indefinitely like that, but in the last two weeks or so, Convenient has begun to go on a suspicious amount of dates with a new girl. He dates around a lot, but he seems into this one. We haven’t cut off our arrangement yet, but this budding romance of his has embedded some little seedlings of loneliness in me. It probably has something to do with insecurity. Most any time I say ‘me too!’ it has something to do with insecurity. I can’t believe I am so impressionable that I’m fine being single until I start seeing relationships around me.
My next boyfriend: “I thought I could be happy all by myself, baby. But then I saw your beautiful face.”
Me: “Aw, thanks, baby. I thought I could be happy all by myself, too. But then my fuck-buddy started getting all snuggly with this chick from OkCupid, and I pouted over it until I found a boyfriend to soothe all my insecurities.”
My life is cut straight from a Rom Com blockbuster, I tell you.
To be fair: I do think a relationship would be great, and I have for a while. I have just been too picky, too busy, and too hungry for new experiences to get into one again. What if my White Rabbit started bolting down a tunnel to the right, but I was tied down to the left?
Is it impossible to be in a committed and loving relationship with someone who’s just as excited about exploring new kinky frontier as I am? It just seems like a lot of requirements to demand… It’s not enough to be smart, witty, attractive, kind, and great with my family. No, he’s also got to be into bondage, able to dominate me, and open to including other people in the bedroom. Above all, though, an open communicator who is willing to try new things. …My Honey-Do lists for this man would be epic.
I opened up my online dating account again. Skimmed through some profiles, set up some dates. I’m hoping to be able to filter the guys down to the kinkier ones. The site sort of lets you do this by comparing your own answers under the ‘Sex’ category to theirs. Those questions they were willing to answer, at least. There are a few relevant to, e.g., interest in bondage, experience with group sex, whether they think of themselves as ‘fetish friendly,’ and so on. It’s not exhaustive, but it’s a hell of a lot more information than I would have going into a typical first date.
Here’s a question: When it comes to ‘normal’ dating (i.e., someone you didn’t find via your mutual interest in kink), at what point is it appropriate to bring this up? Do you begin with vanilla sex and then gradually introduce your more, er, unique proclivities? I don’t want to waste excessive time on Mr. Ever-Vanilla, but I am definitely willing to be with someone who may have slightly less experience, but who can catch up to me and then continue growing.