Excuse you? (or: The One Where Screw Loose Honey Declines To Have A Sugar Daddy)

[First paragraph is in response to A. worrying about tension between us if he were to help an old sub to move in late May:] “If I can just be blunt: I really don’t care.  …It’s certainly nothing that has to be figured out 2 months in advance. I know you are a one-sub guy, but let’s please not pretend like we’re in a monogamous relationship. You’re married. I’m dating other people. I wouldn’t have walked into this situation if I had any intention of being territorial. I understand where you’re coming from, though, and it was thoughtful to check in with me about it.

“Lastly: Frankly, [A.], I was taken aback by your suggestion of subsidizing my rent. Even if I wanted to move out and have a place of my own (I don’t), it would be incredibly unwise of me to accept a handout of that sort. You’re a planner, you’re thinking ahead, you’re just throwing out potential solutions to a problem…I get it. And this isn’t to discredit your generosity. But I felt that your offer was extremely inappropriate. I’d feel the same way even if we’d been together for a while, but especially so considering the short amount of time we’ve known each other.

“So this is where my head’s at: I have thoroughly enjoyed talking and playing with you so far. Thursday night was incredibly hot, incredibly pleasurable, and you left me intrigued and interested in getting together again. Overall, I appreciate how respectful you’ve been. But I get the feeling that you perhaps get ahead of yourself, or get wrapped up in relationships more quickly than I do. This is a pretty significant red flag for me, and I’d like you to slow down. I don’t want to enmesh myself in your life, and right now I don’t want you enmeshed in mine. You may have jumped straight into the deep end with your subs in the past, and that’s fine if that’s what they wanted. I, on the other hand, would like to test the waters and get to the deep end eventually if all continues to go well.”

So that’s that.

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5 comments on “Excuse you? (or: The One Where Screw Loose Honey Declines To Have A Sugar Daddy)

  1. Marty says:

    I suspect he will appreciate your directness. I think it’s all good.

    • Thanks Marty. He REALLY emphasizes being honest and direct, so I figured it would be silly not to do so in this case. I think he’ll be good with it, yeah… But I want to make sure I still feel comfortable enough to move forward. 🙂 My guess is yes. We’ll see.

  2. Yingtai says:

    Hmmm. So when I recommended declining without comment, the “without comment” part was actually kind of important. I mean, if this guy actually is dangerous, I would want to find out sooner rather than later, so I wouldn’t want him to start censoring himself. And I think you are sending mixed signals when you use the terms “red flag” (implying lack of trust) and “slow down” (implying trust until it gets broken). If he’s a good guy, he’ll be offended, and if he’s a bad guy, he’s just going to bide his time.

    So I really hope your trust is not misplaced. But you know the guy. And he doesn’t sound like an axe murderer.

    Speaking of which, did Unspeakable Axe give you any further advice, or was it just the one email from him?

    • Yes, I did recognize that. And it makes sense. However, I don’t think I’d be doing myself any favors if I just let this slide.

      Based on all of our communication thus far and all the personal info I have on him, my fear is not that he’s dangerous in the way that you’re implying. As in, he doesn’t have ulterior, evil motives, he doesn’t have some trap he’s trying to lure me into, etc. If that was the possibility my red flags were pointing to, I wouldn’t be talking to him at all anymore.

      My fear, instead, is that he will become a clingy, unhealthy, overbearing presence, that we’d want different things out of our D/s relationship, and that I’ll have a painful time ending things.

      So if I said nothing about this type of trespassing in my personal space, he would probably keep doing it, and I would feel increasingly creeped out and start to shrink away. In my view, that would also be sending a mixed signal. There is a much greater chance it would head in that unfortunate direction if I wasn’t honest about what I wanted.

      I don’t want him to obliviously continue on some hyper-paced relationship trajectory. I don’t want him to poke this far into my personal space. In a sense, yes, I do want him to censor himself: If he is feeling head over heels, if he is seeing us as Dom and sub a year from now…I don’t really want to hear about it. (This is what “slow down” refers to.)

      Anyhow…I did not hear further from Unspeakable Axe, but I agree with what he said…even if things were going spectacularly well, being financially tied to someone would make all the above problems 10x worse!

      • Yingtai says:

        Oh phew. That all makes a lot of sense. I should have put my trust in your good sense.

        Axe is coping with a lot, including health issues, so not a surprise, I was just curious.

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