Woah there, buddy.

You should see the look on my face right now. I can’t seem to wipe off this confused, slightly perturbed cringe.

Just finished reading an email from A. If anyone reading this has an idea of how to react, please let me know.

Suffice to say, A. enjoyed our first evening together. Quite a bit. Basically, he enjoyed me as his sub so much that he is already thinking a bit further down the line.

Okay, more than a bit.

A. has told me he likes to “take care of his pets” in many ways, not the least of which is financially.

Sure, I think it’s appropriate that he pay for the hotel room, and probably for at least the majority of the toys he uses on me. Let’s not forget that I am a student looking at $150k debt in loans when I graduate, and he is an established professional well into his career and, from my impression thus far, doing quite well financially. He has mentioned a few other things in his emails, such as paying for me to get waxed (right now I shave), or for a piercing or tattoo if it’s something he’ll enjoy too. I didn’t really acknowledge these offers because I am not interested in going there at the moment, but they didn’t strike me as completely inappropriate.

But someone please tell me if I’m wrong to feel just slightly weirded-out by this:

A. just offered to back me financially to move into my own apartment. Jesus, really?

I currently live with two 30-something male roommates (CC and another guy), and A. is offering to pay the difference between my current rent and a single-bedroom apartment. He’s not suggesting it purely as a favor or a way to pamper me — he explained that if I had my own place, I’d be able to host, and it could end up being less expensive than booking hotel rooms on a regular basis. “If you’re concerned about being reliant on me every month,” he wrote, “I could give you several months (or even a full year’s worth) in advance so you wouldn’t have to worry about it every month.”

I am absolutely going to decline the offer, there’s no question about that.

First of all, I thoroughly love living with these guys: they make me laugh constantly, invite me to awesome concerts and weekend trips, keep me company when I’d otherwise be lonely, and welcome me into their social groups. They have simply become two of my very favorite friends. (And I would be saying the exact same things regardless of whether CC and I were hooking up.)

But more than that, I honestly think A.’s offer is wildly inappropriate. Maybe, maybe, if we had been going strong for several months and had already been discussing the inconvenience of hotels, it would be reasonable to bring up. [I wanted to insert a clarification here: Even if A. and I had been together a while, I would still decline this offer. Accepting it would essentially be throwing shit straight at the fan — it’s bound to hit sooner or later. However, I might not be as taken aback by the offer in and of itself if we had been together longer.] But, shit, we had one night. An amazing, mind-blowing, very hot, very promising night, in addition to lots of email/phone communication, but still. It was only one night.

Am I wrong? Is it normal for Dom’s to subsidize like this? I am not quite sure how to phrase my response.

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4 comments on “Woah there, buddy.

  1. Yingtai says:

    First, a question I should have asked long ago: Is there any chance that A is reading this blog?

      • Yingtai says:

        Phew. OK, I’m kind of concerned. It may be innocent, but someone dangerous would do exactly the same thing. You can get away with doing things to someone living alone that you can’t if she has roommates. At the very least, it does indicate a lack of understanding of your point of view. I know he has previously been very reassuring in this respect, but I agree with Gavin De Becker’s advice that nobody can “prove” to you that they are safe except with the passage of time, so I don’t think anything cancels out.

        My instinct is to decline it without comment and wait for other red flags. But I am out of my depth here. Can I ask someone for advice? I’m thinking of http://kinkylittlegirl.net/ and http://www.unspeakableaxe.com/. I don’t know if they’ll reply, but I think it’s worth asking.

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