For all the adventures I’ve stumbled into, you’d think I would have had phone sex by now. Well, I think I can count today as the first. …Does it count if he didn’t let me finish?
Phone sex
A. wanted to be on the phone with me while I did a session of orgasm control. That way he has control over what I do with my pussy and when I do it. And shit, it was hot. He helped slow me down so I didn’t get carried away like last time. He made me start with slow, gentle touches and move up in intensity a bit a time. When I started getting too far, he’d say, “No. Stop. I want you to take a few deep breaths, and then we’ll start slowly again.” He told me how good of a job I was doing.
I won’t repeat how absolutely agonizing it is to back off repeatedly from orgasm and never get release, yet how your body wants you to do it again anyway. If you haven’t before, go try it or read my previous post.
Come on, pleeease??
Why is it that I get so aroused by my partner being (or seeming, at least) dispassionate, self-composed, and really quite patronizing? I get off when feeling like I am the object of a lesson, examination, experiment, or demonstration. Or simply that I am being given a helping hand by someone who is not drawing any sexual pleasure from the act himself. I am the vulnerable one, subject to whatever he decides ought to be done to my body. If I perceive the dominant person as being carried away with their own emotions/pleasure, some of their credibility diminishes. (Perhaps this is unfair; I know I find it impossible to maintain composure myself.)
Does anyone reading relate to this?
This really has nothing at all to do with punishment, which is often what first comes to mind for a lot of people, outsiders at least, when they hear “kink” or “BDSM.”
Final bit, and just because it makes me smile (in the most self-indulgent way)… A. says that he learns a lot about a sub through orgasm control. When asked what he’s learned about me so far, he replied:
Well, some things I’ve learned I won’t want to tell you right away, because it might diminish some of the experiences I’m planning for you. But I can certainly tell you a few things later. The obvious things are that you are intelligent, curious, adventurous, courageous, and playful. While you are independent and capable, you have a few subtle insecurities that give you a desire to please. And your deep submissive streak makes you want to follow and be controlled by someone stronger/more experienced than yourself, at least in the areas in question. Physically, I can’t wait to play with you because your erogenous zones are very sensitive. Should provide hours of entertainment. 🙂
I am very much looking forward to (but exceedingly nervous for) meeting in person.
Good Clean Fun 
Does anyone reading relate to this? Um, yes. Oh very yes.
Once when beta-reading I asked whether the character enjoyed the dynamic of being used. I was thinking specifically of an expression I have seen behind my shoulder in the mirror. Heck, I will just quote my beta notes:
“My masochism is not only physical, but also emotional. I love a dom’s amusement, contempt, that feral look of being totally engrossed in his pleasure and to hell with the poor sub’s whimpers … all gravy.”
And in the next email: “As usual, our misunderstanding is about the dom/sub divide. For me, that feral look is about a dom being intent on his own pleasure and totally ignoring mine. So that look is what makes me feel used. And that gives me a hell of a zing.”
You might like that story, actually. http://pierrot-dreams.livejournal.com/17200.html. Warnings: Work in progress, non-magical fantasy setting, angst.
Coming back to the point, you don’t have to be nervous about being nervous. I hope you get to enjoy it. 🙂 Just be honest and keep communicating to A. I know you’re already doing that, but it bears repeating because stoic silence is not just what doms hate most, it would also be incredibly risky for your emotional safety.
I will try my very best 🙂 Thank you! We are meeting in person tomorrow, actually… (!!!)
Wasn’t clear on whether you’d written that story or just read it. I will definitely take a look.
I read this post by you http://abjectsub.wordpress.com/2014/02/28/coming-out-letter/#more-480 and the way you describe power itself as your fetish struck a chord with me. I am just starting my journey and will have plenty of opportunities to figure out what I like, but for now, power is certainly at the essence of it.
How long have you been actively involved in this lifestyle?
I definitely didn’t write that story myself! But the author and I are like perfect mirror images kink-wise. She was the one I wrote the sadist post for: http://abjectsub.wordpress.com/2014/02/16/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-sadists/. And no, she’s not the dom who made me question my straightness. 🙂
I’m glad the coming-out letter said something to you! As for active involvement – apologies, this is a long and convoluted story that I don’t want on the open web. If you ever make a contact page, remind me, and I’ll send it that way.
Ah, another feature I will have to add to my page..
And break a leg tomorrow! Just checking, you have a safe call set up, right? If you haven’t heard of them, just search “safe call BDSM”, e.g. http://www.submissiveguide.com/2011/03/5-things-to-give-your-safe-call-person/.
Most websites don’t mention the only thing that really matters, which is to tell A ahead of time that you are doing this. He has to be okay with the fact that a third party has his real name and address and can call the police. It works best as deterrent, not firefighting.
Ideally your safe call should be someone you know in real life. But if you need me for this, let me know, and we’ll figure something out.
That is so kind of you, thank you. I don’t have it set up yet, but tomorrow is just an hour or two at a public coffeehouse. Just to check for chemistry in-person. I thought of some measures to take after that, but I didn’t know it was a whole ‘thing’ with a name.. that’s great. Again, thank you so much for your offer, and I’ll let ya know.
Phew. I used to set up safe calls even for meetings in public places, but I knew it was paranoid. You should be just fine without.