This post comprises a brief history of my descent into the beautiful land of Perversion.
Up until last year, the development of my sexuality followed what I presume is a pretty typical course. I kissed a boy at 15 years old, lost my virginity at 16, experienced a couple committed relationships and a handful of casual hook-ups through high school and college. I did make out with a girl once at a sleepover in high school, and that was my reigning slutcomplishment for several years. Later, one college relationship was long enough to see a bit more exploration: a little blindfolding and wrist tying, digital anal penetration, a spank now and then, and the discovery that there are more sex positions than missionary and doggie. Who knew!
Ending that relationship (read: getting my ass dumped) may have been the single best catalyst towards my sexual growth. I don’t need him, I said to myself. I’m an independent, grown woman. I can do what I want with whomever I want — just watch me! (Yes, I use proper grammar in my inner monologues.)
Something I had brought up with my ex, but had never seen through, was the possibility of having sex with another girl. So that was to be the first stop on the kink train. A few motions of my fingers over the keyboard, and I’d found myself a lady-date off the ‘casual encounters’ section of Craigslist…
Manual sex with a woman (give and receive) Oral sex with a woman (give and receive) Mutual masturbation with a woman
This turned into a several month long adventure in which her male partner became involved. Unbeknownst to my friends and family, I went away with them to hotels around Seattle, other cities in WA, and even down to Portland where they introduced me to a kinky adult ‘play’ club called Club Sesso…
Threesome (2f, 1m) Foursome (2f, 2m) Sex in front of strangers Cat o’ nine tails (give and receive) Double penetration vibrator Fisting (give) Choking (receive) Tied to four bedposts
Sadly, my adventures with this lovely couple ended when they split up. When all was said and done, I had to take a moment to register what had actually happened. I laughed incredulously, pat myself on the back, and reflected on all the deliciously nasty things I had just done. Am I one of those people at whom society shakes its head and says, “Goodness, what happened in her childhood??” Maybe. Maybe not.
But honestly, fuck society. Fuck that insecurity with which we cling to our precious traditional sex norms. Traditional norms have ZERO intrinsic value; they’re worth no more than the benefit they offer to people’s actual wellbeing. Name one taboo that’s done anyone any good.
I’m on my way down a rabbit hole, and the entire path is paved in stigma and moral judgment. But I made a decision to keep on going until I stopped getting something out of it. So far, I’ve gotten nothing but fun, adrenaline, intense sexual pleasure, and a glimpse inside my own mind. I know there’s more in there to discover. I want to know precisely what makes me tick. Don’t you?